Iam so glad you put on your non-judgement hat and joined me again after sharing my dirty laundry a few weeks ago (lol). For those who missed, we discussed snapping out seasons when we find ourselves doing things that are not in our character. I titled it, “This is Not Who You are.” But with that statement comes another question: Who am I? I had to ask myself this question a couple years ago. (Shouldn’t I know that answer by now?!) People perceived me as having it all together, and oftentimes, I allowed myself to be fooled in thinking I did because I had all the material things I desired. But age has nothing to do with it. Reputation has nothing to do with it. Material things have nothing to do with knowing who you are. Knowing who you are is not the false self-confidence wrapped in highly valued things or status or smarts, nor do those things mean you’ve reached the pinnacle of life. Knowing who you are is being surround by 101 things that have the possibility to waver, change, shake, or oscillate, BUT you stand unwavered in your core values, beliefs, interests, temperament/ personality, and strengths. Society will tell you to follow this trend one year and that trend the next, but it shouldn’t move you. Money has the ability to be gained or lost, but it should not affect who you are. Management has the ability to promote or demote you, yet, it should not affect who you are. We all know this, but PEOPLE will cheer for you one minute and then talk about you the next, YET, IT SHOULD NOT AFFECT WHO YOU ARE. Situations that have any possibility to be unsteady should always meet stability (YOU).
Knowing and accepting who I am was something I learned just a few years ago and am still learning. I had noticed in my life that I often pretended to be someone that I wasn’t, and my opinions would change based on the people I associated myself with. It made for a very dull life because I didn’t allow myself to express all the pieces that made me “me.” So, while I was on maternity leave with my daughter, I was bound to discover myself. I began by reading an awesome book that detailed how there were people in our history whose names were changed when they encountered God. For example, there was Saul whose name was changed to Paul and Jacob whose name was changed Israel. It was as if God was giving them their own term of endearment, letting them know their past didn’t define them. This learning influenced a prayer I prayed several days later, “Lord, I know this is a really strange request, but I know life isn’t always going to be easy. I will have challenges. I’ll make mistakes. I will have hard times, but could you please give me a term of endearment I can cling to during those seasons?” For days I had continued to ask this, expecting my answer to be very obvious- like a billboard sign that read “YOU ARE LOVED.” But…(sigh)…nothing. Finally, in frustration, I said, “God, what would my term of endearment be so I can cling to it during difficult times and be assured of your love?!!! I love the name “Tisho….” My mouth suddenly shut as if someone forced it into lock-mode. I was about to say I loved my name Tishonna, but I stopped mid-sentence because that was a bold-face lie. For 31 years (I’m now 33), I didn’t accept my name. I thought it was too hard for people to pronounce and I thought it was too ethnic, so much so, I considered Shonnahicks.com instead of Tishonnahicks.com for Dream Again, because I didn’t want to exclude people I thought my full name would exclude. As I stopped mid- sentence, I could hear the Lord’s sweet whisper (much different than the loud sign I was expecting) saying, “I’m not giving you a new name because you need to accept the one you have.” Chills ran down my whole body as I then began to think of my name and how my name was a combination of both my father and mother and the strengths they possessed. It was in that moment I accepted all of me.
I believe I was learning a lesson: if Dream Again was going to go as far as I thought, I needed to know who I was and be proud of it. Otherwise, I’d be swayed by who others wanted me to be and lose myself in the process. I’m corny, excitable, observant, transparent, I like to twerk in the bathroom when no one is watching, I sing loud in my car, I think way too much, I love to give, I am a control freak (working on that), I have chubby feet, I wear clip-ons, I’m a girly girl (but at the same time I don’t mind getting dirty), gossip infuriates me, my kids still sleep in the bed with me, I can be stubborn, I’m not the best responder when it comes to texts because I enjoy meeting one on one, I absolutely love pancakes, and I want to lose 10 more pounds but I love my chips and dip way too much. (LOL). With me there comes good, bad, great, and not so great.
While on maternity leave, I took the time to write down as many characteristics of myself as I could…from my personality, things I enjoyed and things I didn’t, bad and good habits, and values and morals I wouldn’t bend on. I took time to pay attention to my routines and concluded I am very structured and a clean freak. (My husband can’t leave an empty cup of anything out longer than five minutes, LOL). Even to this day, I make mental notes when I learn something new about myself. I have learned to enjoy all the pieces that make me “me”.
Now that doesn’t mean I don’t improve areas in my life: I have bad habits in need of complete annihilation. It also doesn’t mean I don’t stretch myself: being too structured and planned leaves little room for the fun and excitement spontaneity can bring. In addition, it doesn’t mean that what I like and value in this season will not change in another season. But no matter what, I accept these qualities about myself and allow no one to take who I am away from me.
I am going to end with a quick story I believe will help you. I was stuffing my three years old’s book-bag with several toys I assumed he wanted for his playtime at school the next day. Well, two minutes later he starts crying because the toys I packed for him weren’t the ones he wanted, so he dumped them and started putting in his own toys. After filling it to the top, he then attempted to put a huge dinosaur in it. “Lil’ Frankie,” I said, “You can’t put that in your book-bag. It’s not going to fit.” So of course he started crying again (LOL). But I share this in relationship to people. You have allowed people to stuff your book-bag of identity. You allow them to dictate who you are, what you like, what you prefer, how you like it, and when you like it. They put a title on you that becomes your expectation for yourself, so you find yourself pretending to be someone you are not.
Also, just like my son who was trying to put in more toys than his book-bag could contain, we say, “Oh I like this quality about this person. I like that she does that. I like that he does it this way.” You then live life trying to fit in by being what you think you should be and struggle with missing the mark every single time because the qualities that you admire in others are not a good fit for who you truly are.
So how do I discover who I am?
- Take time to let your actions, preferences and habits speak to you without the influence of others. What are your likes, dislikes, strengths, weaknesses, and values?
- Simple pray, “God, show me.” He will highlight areas in your life out of the blue that gives way to who you are. He also illuminates who you are to Him in the Bible.
- ACCEPT every ounce of who you are, right now, in this moment.
The daily encouragements and journal entries on Tishonnahicks.com will help you in these areas. So please be you without compromise and without waiver. I’m signing off as Tishonna Hicks. For video, challenges, and daily encouragements: click here.